Thoughts from Lisa’s Sisters on this Two Year Anniversary of her Disappearance
My seven and a half year old son tells me quite frequently that he misses his Aunt Lisa. I give him a big hug and tell him. “I know you do, I do too.” Several years ago Lisa took him to Build- A- Bear for his birthday, he still has this bear and I told him that he should save it forever, so he started sleeping with it every night. He tells me frequently that my pumpkin muffins aren’t as good as Aunt Lisa’s. She was a terrific cook!
I was hugging my four year old son before he went to sleep recently and he said to me “Let’s talk about Lisa”. I asked him what he would like to talk about and he told me, “I love Lisa and God is with her.”
My four year old daughter, who was just two at the time when Lisa vanished from her home, talks about her Aunt Lisa often. She says she misses Lisa so much. My daughter said, “When I go to Heaven I will hold hands with Lisa.” A four year old saying this? How do you not break down?!
One day I was playing a CD in the car. I looked in my review mirror and my four year old daughter was crying, so I pulled the car over to find out what was wrong. I didn’t even realize that the song was talking about Heaven and it reminded her of Lisa. It just breaks my heart that my children are going through this!
All three of my kids ask me frequently if the police are looking for Aunt Lisa. They ask, “If she is lost- then why can’t they find her?” I tell them she isn’t lost, because adults know where they are going. I also tell them she would never have left Lexi and Zac. They wonder why they aren’t able to see their cousins like they used to. These smart, innocent kids with all of these questions! What am I supposed to tell my three children?!
There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about my sister and how much I miss the bond that we had. I look at her picture hoping that I will talk to her, put my arms around her, but knowing that is not realistic. She was such a positive influence in all of our lives. She definitely was in my children’s lives and they miss her so much! I tell my children that Aunt Lisa watches over them, to keep them safe, and protect them. I watch them as they soak up all of this information, trying to figure out what could have happened to their Aunt Lisa. I feel so bad for what my children are going through and I can’t imagine what Lexi and Zac are feeling. If only Lexi and Zac could have their mother back.
Last May 19, 2008 for Lisa’s 39th birthday, my children and I wrote a message to her, attached it to balloons and watched as it went up into the air. My children asked if we can do it again. Of course I tell them. May 19, 2009 would have been Lisa’s 40th Birthday, and this special day has been taken away from her. As we watch the balloon rise up into the air, we close our eyes and continue to pray for you day and night, pray that you get the justice you deserve, pray for your children Lexi and Zac. We love you!
Love your sister Jamie
April 30, 2009. Two years have passed since Lisa Ruttenberg Stebic went “missing”…
Because my sister Lisa, an incredibly wonderful soul, was taken without regard for her life…which was on the cusp of becoming free. Lisa was taken without regard for her children’s lives, who love her and need her. Lisa was taken without regard for her family’s lives, who love and miss her deeply at every moment of every day. Lisa was taken without regard for her friends’ lives, who are touched by her sensitivity and fun loving nature. We are all changed forever and we all miss Lisa terribly. Sadly, it just keeps getting more difficult as time goes on.
How can I deal with such a tremendous gaping hole in my life?
My daily life is so very hard without Lisa as a part of it. I miss her so much! I am full of pain and know it will never ever go away. Lisa left an intense impact on me, but one with a lasting impression of hope and celebration. Lisa always looked towards a positive resolution, even with all of the intense struggles she encountered.
I can only try to manage this constant feeling of emptiness, by doing my best to think positively and really enjoy each and every day. I celebrate Lisa’s life by trying to emulate the sweet, good, giving and fun person she was.
My grandma tells our family frequently, “Living in the past is a reference for learning- and living for the future takes you away from today.” We don’t know how long we will be privileged to be on this earth, but living for today as a good person and positive impact to our world is the only way I can be.
Lisa was also living this same truth. Thank you sister for also helping to teach me this, your energy and strength will always inspire me…